listening to "amon hen" from the LOTR ost.

..not a gd day.. been suffering from a runny/dripping nose for a day and a half already and tts not all.. im freezing.. although it already stopped raining and the sun is out again.. but im sitting here wrapped up in my blanket.. shivering.. and suffering from a headache.. ARG. i think its egged on by the fact that i sleep at 6 in the morning nowadays. ;_;

one gd thing doh.. went out ytd and got my kitty paws~ :) for the sheer heck of it. dont noe when ill use them.. i mean.. i hardly dress up nowadays..

and..... i shaved my head again today. yes.. sick and still doing crazy things. Got my sis to help me shave the sides of my head. this time both sides. not a mohawk though.. its got more of a cyber goth edge to it. perfect! ive been meaning to get hair falls.. and this hair style suits hair falls perfectly.. now i just have to find a way to get hairfalls without using my dad's credit card. :/ lol..

hm.. why do i keep hearing ringing.. like.. firebells.. or extremely loud ice-cream bells.. O_o scary shit. mayb its my head.. mayb its the fact that i have no hair to shield my brain! haha.. -_-

o fuck.. the headache's getting worse... ill go lie down..

o.. dont we all miss ren and stimpy? *sobs*

(Arg. i blinked... -_-)

listening to "我們的愛啊" by Ben (B.A.D)

so... merry boxing day. although i have no idea what boxing day is for. O_o haha..

hm.. how did i spend christmas ytd... it was kinda boring till arnd the evening when i went to the eskibar for drinks with shufen, shujing, my sis and simmie. fun place~ love the ice furnitures.. and the freezing cold. :) shujing designed the place~ wow. haha.. i had eskiblue, my sis had pinacolada, simmie had a shirley temple (which i dont like..) and shufen and shujing shared a strawberry magarita. mm.. salt rimmed.. :D

other than that.. it was.. a mighty boring christmas day. but it was a gd christmas mind u. not like the other christmas these past 18 yrs which have been really miserable and everything.
ar well.. doesnt change anything anyway.. my dad's still struggling with his job, my mom's still working so hard.. im still studying.. i just want to get a real job. like now.

hm.. anyhoo, lets all go to eskibar again sometime. :)

p.s (congrats to the upcoming arrival of ur fcs simmie~!)

merry christmas!!!listening to "one more time" by Daftpunk.

HAHAHAHA. i LOVE them.. (look above) :) they are my bestest bestest bestest x14637686538975 friends in the whole world! ^-^

what a great party we had. lovely~ with wine and bacardi and various food we made for potluck. hehe.. and BBQ! gd food all the way.. and great fun. played monopoly and listened to music.. relaxed with each other.. i dunno.. it was just such a good time. the best christmas ive had in my 18 yrs.. thx guys~

o.. not to mention.. the presents! XD

shufen got me lego!! omg~! i love it.. its the christmas advent calander one.. god.. she's got me starting my collecting addiction again! hahaha..

simmie got me a cute kitty keychain thing made of kimono cloth and i love it! now everyone in the grp has it too~ cept simmie.. (simmie go get one for yourself!) :B

chunyi baked us all yummy cookies w/ love! and.. rachel got me the neon green cyber stripey socks i kept talking about!!!! ARR! :D thank u~

o ya.. i forgot to add that my sis bot me orange choco from ROYCE! HAHAHA! sinnnn...

lol.. what a great christmas... now im waiting for beetlejuice the movie which will be at 3am. heh.

(p.s. i kept the wine cork as a memory~ yes yes.. im the sappy sort..)

-what a simple but nice spontaneous portrait even if i do say so myself.... heh..-

listening to "feeling gd" by muse.

im not feeling gd.. feeling fucking miserable.. and inferior. ugh.. (due to too many reasons..)

went to carrefour today (which was actually ytd).. no use.. didnt manage to find my ingredients. bah.. so im going to ntuc later on.. in the afternoon. went with chunyi and shufen.. better than going alone obviously.

ive got a few things i got to do before the end of the yr. i have to send out my package to a canadian friend overseas.. and then i gotta clear up my room... most prob after christmas.. (busybusy now).. sigh..

o yea.. did i mention i dunno why but ive havent been talking to my dad. what the fuck is wrong with me.. my mom says im making him suffer.. he's the one making himself suffer actually. i dunno... this is messing alot with my head.. everything is.. my thoughts are coming back.. im starting si again.. u noe.. the works. gawd.

school's starting in abt 10 days.. and im a mess. my life's gotta get re-organized.

listening to "protege moi" by placebo.

its 4 plus am in the morning. and i am FULLY awake. partly because i did this and partly because i wanted to be alone and think. i tried sleeping.. but i was forcing myself to stay awake because i hate sleeping. or i tell myself that. stupid thoughts again... + s.i = sleeping problems.

but i wont say i hate it. i enjoy it. esp because i M alone.. but not alone at the same time. er.. like u noe ur not d---.. i cant say it now. it'll make me think again...

anyway, me, my sis and shufen went out to town to get the rest of the christmas shopping done. which im glad to say is finally finished and tmr, later on today i mean.. we'll be going out for groceries for sat's pot luck and bbq.

i guess this will be my 18th christmas on earth.. but my first ever christmas party with my friends. .. makes me feel happy and sad at the same time. i dunno..

hm.. i really wanna write some stuff here.. but i noe i cant. i need a diary.. a REAL one. ;_;

listening to "I call your name" by A-ha.

I FOUND IT I FOUND IT I FOUND IT. yep. I found fomula 17's soundtrack!!!!! XD
its so strange.. that sembawang cd shop at bugis.. seems to draw me in to find something extra-ordinary everytime.. how come they had fomula 17 soundtrack when no other place had.. and considering the movie is banned. O_o haha..
and the last time i went there, i found stevie nicks.. and the cd was at least 30 yrs old and no one wanted it.. the case was cracked and all.. the person had to change it for me somemore.. wow.. i must visit that cd shop more often..

anyway, ytd was quite a fun day. went out with shufen, chunyi and my sis. chunyi gave me an awesome bday present!! ^-^ She got me polarizing filter! finally i got it.. but im still not very sure on which situation to use it and stuff.. have to go test test to get the best out of it.

so anyone stuck on what to get for me.. get me filters!! :) i have the diffuser and polarizing already.. get me something else.. surprise me! haha.. XP

back to ytd... we went to bugis, bras basah.. walk arnd and all that.. chun and fen had to print stuff.. then we went to photohub.. the weather was really nice ytd.. and then we went to have early dinner at a coffeeshop. i took some really nice pics.. lol..

went to bugis junction walked arnd, found my cd.. then went back to bras basah to collect stuff.. after that, chunyi left and me, my sis and shufen went off to suntec.. looking presents and all that.. haha.. went to toys r us and masked rider was there! ahahaha.. so naturally.. i forced my sis to go take a pic with him.. XD so cool!

ehehehe.. hm.. tts it i guess.. o ya.. we had CHILLI CHEESE FRIES at carl's jr. THE GUILT. lol.. but it was nice.. :)

listening to "kiss me" by six pence none the richer.

i love blogging.. bloggity blogblog.. haha. aldoh no one reads this stupid page.. -_- owell..

anyway, my dad's been staying home from work for almost 2 weeks already.. i cant stand him being home.. blah. anyway, christmas party this coming sat.. yay~ :D pot luckkkk.. need ingredients. my money..... -_-;;

sigh.. was watching legally blond on ch5 just now.. haha.. i think its my fourth time.. but i still find it nice.. lol.. although its a bimbotic feel good chick flick.. in a good kind of way! lol.. :)

random : why dont i have himbotic frens? T-T i dont care if they're gay or not. haha..

reminder : i need to get a small writing pad and start writing down photo ideas... i keep getting alot nowadays.. but i forget them really easily.. so i have to start jotting down.. bring the pad everywhere.. hm.. mayb ill get one tmr..

hm.. recently found quite alot of those old songs i used to love in sec school.. sigh..

hm. need my 80s music.. i love the 80s... wish i cld go back to those times.. the music, the hair, the lifestyle.. ARG. i wish.. now its the 21st or 22nd century and everything is so hacked up. the music they play on the radio really sucks... and the ppl.. o god.. the ppl.. GOD HELP THEM. things were much simpler back then.

o.. n i feel me drifting away from jrock.. O_o which is much faster than i tot. ar well.. que sara sara. what will be, will be.

listening to bishonen soundtrack's 'da an' by cocolee.

;_; i cant express how much i love the movie 'bishonen'.. also known as 'Meishaonian zhi lian'. (synopsis below).. crap.. i cant stop crying everytime i watch it.. and just listening to the music (which i put on repeat for hours) makes me really really sad.. :,(

I was searching online for movie memorabilia ytd and realized how much i love the movie because it was all i cld think abt... and its decidedly my fav. fav. movie.. followed by edge of seventeen and i am sam..

if anyone could get me the REAL movie or soundtrack, i'd be eternally grateful. sigh..when everyone was asleep last night, i rewatched the movie for the upteenth time and cried my heart out... cldnt help myself.. its the only movie that i'd give 1oo stars out of 10 for..
T_____T

anyway, went for jap class this afternoon.. then came home.. sis at work.. cant wait for a christmas meetup with the gang~ :) needa go shopping for presents again... aiyiyiyiyi..

[bishonen. 1998. Yonfan.

A gay romantic mystery, Bishonen is roughly based on an incident that was the biggest scandal to hit the Hong Kong Police force. A cache of photographs was discovered in the home of a wealthy playboy, which all featured handsome young men in police uniforms, some of them half nude, others holding law enforcement paraphernalia such as clubs in suggestive poses. An investigation by the Police Department revealed that some of the men were indeed policemen, whereas others were hustlers and gigolos.
The focus of Bishonen is not this scandal, but rather the highly unusual meeting of two different worlds, illustrated in the romantic entanglement involving a policeman, two male prostitutes and a gay pop singer. The film starts with a simple love story and a series of emotional knots, some of which are impossible to untangle. Tragedy is inevitable.
Jet is the star of a group of male hustlers in the steaming city of Hong Kong. He is arrogant and sexy; everyone is in love with him but he loves no one, until one day he meets Sam, the best looking policeman around. After meeting Sam, Jet tries to change into someone he is not: innocent, sweet, clean and pure. This is his way of setting a trap to catch Sam, but he falls into a trap himself. In the process, he discovers that the righteous young cop has a darker side. Things go out of control when Sam's past and Jet's present become intermingled -- not unlike Hong Kong itself, a cauldron of traditional Chinese ethics and modern Western values. Happiness will be achieved only in the harmony of the discordant elements.]

hm.. ok.. another post cos im bored.

the book i bot ytd is a gay 'coming-out' novel called clay's way by Blair Mastbaum. Click here to see.

yea.. and well.. borders at night is a faghag/ fagnet's heaven. seriously. lol... ;)

and ive been eyeing lots of things on ebay and yahoo! auctions.. ;_; im already planning how to spend the money I DONT HAVE. im so fucked up. gawd.

=_=

listening to "it takes two" by chemistry.

I feel like fuck this morning.

hm... my poor bday money is almost gone. partly to other ppl's christmas pressies.. and partly to me last night.. haha.. went out to borders at 9pm.. haha.. i love bookstores at night.. i dunno why. mayb i watched too many movies and it messes with my head making me think its cool to hang out at a bookshop till it closes at 11pm. hah!

haha.. my sis came to find me at orchard at 11 and we walked arnd.. went to macs and sat there past midnight.. staring at ppl.. saw moomoo girl from my school and her fren.. lolx.. :)

after eating supper, we went to 7 eleven to buy drinks and stuff.. we found keylime! haha.. so long since we had a keylime drink.

walked to some nearby food places.. explore explore.. nice... (chunyi n gang, we must go there one midnight. )
haha.. went to one of the bus stops where they claimed that the night rider bus will be there every twenty minutes.. waited and waited. haha.. no bus in sight.

it was funny at that moment though.. i was sitting in a dark bus stop waiting for a bus that never came... surrounded by taxis.. and reading my book and drinking a drink. my sister prancing arnd.. and all of a sudden, anything and everything is hilarious to me. O_o i was laughing at small things.. and trying to act all cool. -_-

haha.. but i guess its just nice to breathe in that toxic air. the weather was kinda cold and warm at the same time.. i wish u guys could have been with me.. its so much nicer when u have friends out with u exploring into the night. but owell..

then me and my sis decided its time to go home. since we had only two choices.. go somewhere to sit and while away the hours or go home. we cldnt go to any pub or anything.. not the way i dressed ytd anyway.. and whiling the hours away would be boring without u guys.. so we went home. in a cab. EXPENSIVE. its not my first time.. but owell.. i forgot the surcharges.. @_@

came home arnd 2 and layed on the floor reading my book till 4 plus in the morning.. before going to bed.

what fun. x_x

kk.. gtg.. curry's ready!

listening to "sleigh ride" by billy gilman (and other various ppl..)

ah.. so how was the bday u ask? (well.. im delusional..)

hm.. its ok i guess.. im sad that we dont have cake again.. ._.
anyway, went out for lunch with my dad and then to borders at wheelock.. i found a nice gay novel i wanted to buy but fucked it up when i tot of going to kino to look for it since there's 20% off.. so i went to kino.. and voila.. NOT AVAILABLE. owell.. wat luck.

anyway, walked arnd till arnd 5 before heading off to city hall to meet my mom after her work.. and went to marina sq.. walked arnd, ate dinner at the foodcourt and then my parents decided to leave first. n me and my sis just wandered arnd. walked to the esplanade.. and well.. it made my day~ :)

see... VVVV


lol.. i have to censor myself just in case i scare any young children wandering arnd out there in this dangerous place called the net... :P
(haha.. like IRC is any safer... -_-)

what's that u ask? haha.. that my frens.. is FORMULA 17's flyer from japan! XD argahahahaa.. yay~ starting a collection i am.. i decided after finding (and buying) this flyer, that i will try and get memorabilia from my fav movies. :) and thanks to the lovely ppl at popcorn, we've bot memorabilia (im not saying what) for shufen as her christmas present as well.. (trust me, its well worth it.. though its sooo bloody expensive.. but i noe shufen will love it!)
haha.. as for the rest of u.. haha.. ive put alot alot alot of tot into it. and well.. u guys will get gd pressies this yr~

hehe.. that wasnt the only thing that made me happy btw, i also found out they carry happy together's original poster ($85) and bishonen's original poster ($45) from hongkong. ARG. im going back to get it when i have enuf cash. need to find space and need to get it framed up cos the value rises with time... ^-^

damn. why must my hobbies always involve SO MUCH CASH. blah.
expensive taste man.. T.T

p.s(there is a metal gig at woodlands CC with over 18 bands starting from 11am to 9pm this sat. if ur interested, can ask me or something..)

listening to "unholy confessions" by A7X.

Happy birthday to me. im finally 18. and i have only one wish.. to do very well in my photography so i can get a gd job and earn lots of money so my parents wont have to suffer anymore.

Ive been crying alot this past few days esp last night. maybe its just too scary turning one yr older although most probably anyone past the age of 18 will scold me and say im stupid. I dunno what makes me cry so easily every day of my life. I could just stand there and start crying.. haha. im emotionally unstable now and always. but what the heck.

thanks for all the well wishes.. although i just realised i have only abt.. a handful of frens. yes.. me and my sis could count our friends on two hands.
._.

if its any consolation (to me), i guess today ill spend the day with my parents.. cos my dad took leave. well, finally... something other than stay home on my bday. i just hope i dont fuck it up with my dad.

im still not feeling too good, been sick the whole of ytd.. spent it sleeping, crying, eating, sleeping. how nice.. -_-

(edit : forgot to mention i watched chicken little two days ago and also gay-torrents rule...)

(warning: long photo post! click to enlarge!) some photos are smaller than i made them when full view-ing cos photo bucket has a silly tendecy to resize ur photos.. -_- so if anybody wants a photo, tell me and ill send it.

[hi riq~! its nice seeing u there~ :D]

listening to "Kagero (feat. gackt)" by Chachamaru

Yes.. i bring u.... GIG PHOTOS. :) haha..

this time, i got alot of fuzzy pics.. and its not as nice as the previous ones.. but i still like it.. esp. the multiple colors i got.. and its just priceless to see the looks i captured.. lol.. i like photo number 8 where that 'small boy' is moshing on his own! haha.. X) and also photo number 5 has got to be one of my fav. over exposed shot. lol..

anyway, this gig was for the launch of helmsky's cd 'Misere nobis' which we got at the entry. the music is really really something.. i esp like the last two tracks, 'Blade Ov Treachery' and 'In The Mist... Thru Darkness'. the melody.. woot..

ok.. i feel much better today (if u read my previous posts..).. after going out to the esplanade to wait for my sis to finish work at 1030pm last night.. i sat at the waterfront and stared at the merlion and this wonderful strange lightning thing happening a few miles away.. haha.. had time to think. walked arnd with my sis after her work ended and walked to bugis for no reason at all.. sat at macs till it was time for the last train n went home.

something abt my parents is bugging me. esp. my dad.. i just cant stand being arnd him alone. i dunno why.. ar well.. *shrug*

blah.. i feel so sick.. o yea.. i bot a bday pressie for myself.. its a mars volta cd! ^-^ I was actually torn between a few cds but i decided to get mars volta since its not everyday u see it... next ill get placebo, the essential eurythmics, david bowie's best of and A7X.. haha.. if i have money in the first place.

hm.. bday in 2 days. gahhhhhhhhh.. -_-

listening to Nightwish's 'over the hills and far away' album.

i... DO NOT.. bring u pics.. heh.. i just don't feel like putting up any.. :/ so.. gig pics tmr perhaps.

anyway, i forgot to mention.. i am satanic. or so my father thinks.

._.

and queer as folk rocks my socks.

listening to "strange machines" by The Gathering.

wee! ytd's gig was a blast. :) will update on that later on in the evening with photos. as for now, i want to rant.

well... before i left for the gig ytd, i got my letter from nafa stating which class i got into for next semester and which course im confirmed with. guess what i got? PHOTOGRAPHY! im really really happy bout that.. it took me a while to realize though.. at first i just saw the paper with my results and what class im in.. then after a while my sis pointed out the words "visual comms: Photography" and i started crying.. cos it just hit me that im on the right path.

but then after that.. i started worrying abt who will be in my class.. and apparently.. i found out, after coming home from the gig, that not one but TWO bitches will be in my class. FUCK THEM. i was so depressed after that.. cldnt help crying.. not to mention quite tired and sweaty from the gig. i so fucking hate them. They don't deserve photography.. i seriously swear Im going to beat them in everything i do. and then there is THAT guy. the one i have to compete with. shit.. i feel so incompetent right now.

arg.. so bloody depressed. i always thought that being in photography in nafa will be like my next haven.. where i can do my work without ppl comparing and without hating anybody. but looks like im wrong. and right now, the only way to solve this is to.. become a loner, regress to my initial stage.. pretend that i don't know anyone and crawl back into my hermit hole. do everything alone. shut myself out. yea..

tts it.

listening to mika nakashima's True album.

hihi again. its another boring day...
anyway, im looking for bronski beat's music espacially their "age of consent" cd/vinyl.. does anyone have it?

see the pics above? for more click HERE. lovely lovely cat eyes i got a few days ago. Im out cold rite now.. the cash in my atm accnt is 0$.. ;_; but not to worry guys, ill get your christmas presents even if it kills me. and ive put in a lot of thought for each one of you. :)

hmrp.. i feel so sad.. that my dream of taking pics with a sx-70 polaroid will never come true... freak..

sigh.. anyway, criss angel tonight! yay~~ finally. something gd. wanted to watch it eversince the time i came across it on a 'glamour bois' page.. ;)

ok.. i think im really random today.

p.s (my gay movie collection just expanded again~! ahahaha.. )

listening to Billy Idol's Greatest Hits cd!!

HAHA! i got billy idol's greatest hits cd for my bday!!!!! X3 thanks to my sis.. :D
I LOVE HIM!! ^________^

anyway, the photos above are of ytd's dinner at chinatown~ hehehe... so much food... woooo.. gd food mind you.. so im happy. heh..

and.. earlier this afternoon, i met saph for lunch at bluJaz and then went off to kino at taka after that.. to find my gay novels.. but forgot the author's name and cldnt find it in the end.. i did find a gay illustration book.. which is rather amusing~ bot tunes anyway. and met my dad to go sit at that new food place at wisma atria~ walked arnd paragon after that and then went off home... and here i am! :)

BILLY IDOL! *hearts everywhere*

listening to.. the sound of me and asano's heartbeat.

sigh... was watching Q.A.F earlier on with my sis.. not many ppl can watch queer dramas with their siblings.. esp. not a drama that is THAT explicit.. lol.. im lucky to have my sis~ :) [btw, anyone wanna add to my buy-queer-as-folk-five-season dvd set fund? haha.. X3]

anyway, was searching for fag hag n gay friendly places in singapore.. n stumbled upon a new term called "fag net" which.. i think shld be a better term of endearment for ppl like me who like photography and stuff... i dunno how to explain but go search yahoo if you're interested.

anyway, that's not the point.. the point is.. i feel very sad.. i need to talk to someone who understands.. but i dun have anyone for me.. u noe? and ive been thinking of going to the local gay and lesbian bar... -_o just so that i wont get shoo-ed out just in case girls arent allowed in gay bars. SINGAPORE SUCKS. ugh.

IS THERE ANY GAY WHO WANTS A FAG NET TO HANG OUT WITH? or are there any other fag hags/fag nets i can speak to? please? anyone? im about to die here... ;_; sg is so fucked up. arg.....

i feel so squashed inside.. need to release something.. gawd. pls,.... im even starting to talk like a bimbo! grrrrr...

anyhoo, i went out for dinner with the usual gang.. finally~! went to chinatown... and im wondering if that bar with the rainbow flag pasted outside its balcony on the second floor is a gay bar...? ok.. get back to the point... er..ill post up the wonderful pics i took tmr.. or rather later on in the day after i get some sleep.

yea.. other than that.. i guess ... gd nite~ or rather.. good morning.. ;)

listening to "Nemo" by Nightwish.

YAY! christmassssss... is coming~! :D i love december~ and my bday is coming up in 10days~ but... i am somehow not looking forward to it... :/ cos its gonna be the same old lonely bday... wake up to find my parents at work, eat breakfast which will consist of meesua and red eggs.. then spend the day like any other normal day.. and after that at night.. eat a slice of cake.. [cakes are too expensive nowadays..] .. thats it.. every year. blah.

anyway, "sleepy hollow" tonight on ch5! yay~
watched "america sweetheart" yesterday.. yes.. again... and yes its a romantic comedy but so what.. its funny.. and nice.. heh..
and ytd morning i watched alfonso cuaron's "Y tu mama tembian"... yes.. alfonso cuaron! director of 'harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban'. haha.. but the movie... if i were to rate it, i'd rate it DOUBLE RA. hahaha.. double for heavy sexual content including orgies and threesomes (not to mention drug use, etc..).. i mean.. it starts with hetero sex! -_- hahaha.. but its a nice film.. and the filming is quite gorgeously done.. the ending is not bad too.. but i'd only give it a rating of 7 over 10.. watch it if u like spanish films and film arts!

hm... went for jap class in the afternoon ytd.. and went to taka to look for my aunt's bday pressie after that.. (angelus.. i cldnt find u..) and.... I MET VANNY! haha.. so long since i saw her.. so me, my sis and vanessa S. went to coffeebean to sit and talk. yak yak yak.. and then went to heeren to take neoprint. :) lol.. after which me and my sis started to search for my aunt's present again.. and found this lovely lovely necklace~ its 48 bucks though.. but we're sharing, so i got it. paid with nets.. ;_;

damn.. money money money.. o yea. need to call up kino. and then later on, go off for dinner to celebrate my aunt's bday~ gotta remember to bring my cam. :D

haiz.. other than that.. hols are boring. I WANT TO GET BACK TO SCHOOL. but i dun wanna see familiar faces. arg..

p.s ( WHY CANT WE HAVE LOGO TV ON CABLE? )

listening to "feeling good" by Muse

Im feeling.. er... crappy.. feel like laying low today. anyway, my plans for today and tmr got cancelled. but i still have my jap class tmr. other than tt.. i have to worry about how to get money for cure, kera n fruits. O_- doomed..

anyway, check out the new fur wigs i got for asano (actually more like for eiji..).. here!

o yea.. forgot to mention. i have already managed to get hold of nana the movie but the codec is wrong.. so im still searching for the codec.. haha.. -___-;;

im hungry... *goes search for food*

http://www.planetout.com/pno/entertainment/books/features/2001/05/cho.html

go read this my fellow fag hags. :3
its just something i found very enlightening on fag hags.. (ie. me) at least now i know my sexual orientation. Im special.. all to its own~ ;D